If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize