So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
