i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
