I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
