Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
