Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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