someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
