I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize