Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
