you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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