Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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