i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize