I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
