false alarm. still invincible.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize