At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Randomize
