I think my fart just growled at me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
