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we're chasing vodka with high fives
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
