I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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