it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize