Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
