words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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