that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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