So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
