should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I cut my penus on the lid.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
