Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
