if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
