My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
