Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
