If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
