Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
