Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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