booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
