My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Drunk is not a location!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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