I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
