yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
