And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
