i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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