Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
