Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
