How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize