Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
