You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't deserve a penis
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize