I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
