like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
