oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
