I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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