I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
