i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my liver is dry heaving
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
