Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
