why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
wow bdsm is so cute
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
