Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
