Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
