i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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