I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize