I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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