So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
