how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
