I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
