highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize