You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
