I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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