haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize