Will you blow on my dice?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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