Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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