You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
