My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
