i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
