Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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