suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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