I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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