I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
