At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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