shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
