He uses pillows to masturbate.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
