I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
