I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
