If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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