That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize