they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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