WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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